Since my last post, I have met with
"Married Man" two times, but only once to discuss our situation. I
told him we will part ways after my birthday, which is Sunday. The conversation
was like our relationship: intense. We laughed, cried, and confused each other
further. One thing is for certain: We agree to disagree. We reminisced about
the good times and cried about the bad times. I remember one time, he said
something that I can't remember and I buckled over and started to cry. He
rubbed my back. The tingly feeling his hand left reminded me why I started this
whole ordeal of separation. I love him too much, I love him more than he loves
me, and/or I love him differently than he loves me. When I gave him that line
in our discussion, he said, "Do not say that because it is not true. The
love is shared, but I have prior obligations." What do I say to that? I
wanted to scream, "LEAVE HER!!" but I couldn't. I won't! I want to
earn it, not ask for it.
The second time we met, it was like
we hadn't even had the discussion in the first place. He called me as he
normally did to see how I was doing and told me how his work was going. We met
in my driveway for casual conversation. I cooked him something to eat and we
talked for a few minutes. I am going to give myself to him one more time before
we end communication completely. My birthday and our relationship are going to
go out with a bang, literally! I haven't talked to him since that conversation,
but will truly be disappointed if I cannot have my birthday wish: one last time
with "Married Man," the man I am in love with.
Let's get back to "Mall Boy." I have texted with
him on a regular basis since our sexual encounter at a cheap motel. As a matter
of fact, I met up with him, again, today, at the same cheap ass motel. This
time seemed different. The first time, he was trying too hard. He kissed me,
rubbed on me, and made it look like we were making love, when in reality; we
were just fucking because there was no love there. This time, we fucked, and if
you had been watching, you could have said, "They are fucking like
hell!" I can tell he has sex a lot because he takes forever to get his
nut. He did most of the work. He pounded me like he was mad at me! I loved it!
It was so good, I was dizzy afterwards. We fucked for an hour! I am not a
little woman, so I was sweaty and out of breath, but I wanted him to nut and so
did he. I climbed on top of him and rode him like I was 17 again! My thighs are
killing me, but he nutted so hard that his eyes rolled in the back of his head,
and he let out a noise that I have never heard before. After he nutted, I kept
riding him vigorously just to keep hearing that weird noise he was making and
to watch his face go into an almost painful look. When I got off of him, I
collapsed on the bed next to him trying to catch my breath and cool off. He
hopped up and grabbed a wash cloth and wetted it for me to wash up. As I was
getting up, he handed it to me. Then, he said he was hungry and asked if I was
too. Of course I was, I just burned all the calories I had taken in for the
day. He said, "Come on. We will go to grab some pizza." I got dressed
and cleaned up my face and hair as much as I could because I was still sweating
profusely. We got in his car and he cracked the windows. It was about 95
degrees in his car and I thought he was trying to kill me, but he said,
"You're going to smoke right?" I hadn't even thought about it, but I
did smoke after rolling my window completely down. That was the quickest I had
ever smoked a cigarette. I rolled up my window quickly and he turned on the a/c
without me even asking. I lied back in the seat and drifted off in my head. He
assumed I was asleep and kept driving. I opened my eyes after about 15 minutes
and asked where we were going and he laughed and said, "Don't worry about
it. I could be taking us to Carowinds and you should just sit back and enjoy
the ride." I laughed and said, "OK." We ended up at a pizza
place about 30 minutes from our cheap ass motel room. The lunch was nice. We
chatted about the past, present, and even future. The conversation was calming
and gave me a little hope about "Mall Boy." When the server brought
the check, she sat it next to me and he casually said, "You can put that
over here." I was impressed. After eating, we drove back to the motel room
and didn't say anything, but listened to music, loudly. Just to throw this in
there, he opened every single door we came to for me. Once again, I was
impressed. Back at the motel room, we chatted a little, but were wore out and
ended up watching TV. He rubbed on me a little and talked about my fresh
tattoo. We parted ways shortly after a conversation he had on the phone with a
"friend," that was a woman. I could hear her loud ass mouth over the
phone, across the room. I felt a little bit of jealousy, but nothing alarming.
I told him thanks for lunch and he said, "Yeah, no problem, I told you if
you fucks with me, I will take care of you." Laugh out loud! That's all I
could do on that one. He texted me about an hour ago and we talked about our
sexual experience today. He said it was great and couldn't stop talking about
me riding him there at the end and how I kept going and going after he nutted.
I said, "Glad you liked my grand finale." He said, "Yeah, you
might make me fall in love lol." I just sent back, "lol," and
left it at that. He hasn't said anything else back. Now I'm sitting here
listening to Pandora and wishing that my life was different. I really want a
husband and family, and I just don't think "Mall Boy" is family
material. I may be wrong, so I am going to "ride" this one out and
see where we go.
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